A new place

[pebblerocker]

Every time I think I might post something here, I realise that a lot of it wouldn't make much sense without context, and I never get around to posting the "where I'm at" post.

I moved house. I moved from a smallish and cheap house in a noisy street to a beautiful roomy new house on the edge of town. This has been cause for some happiness and some distress. I love living in a really nice house, where the walls are a colour I chose and there are no neighbours zooming up and down the driveway past my window twenty times a day and it's wonderfully quiet and dark at night. I am distressed that not everybody gets this sort of thing. Life isn't fair and that bothers me even when the unfairness in my favour.

I am filled with shame when a person in my life says that I must have been doing a lot of positive thinking to attract such wealth from the Universe. According to her beliefs I wouldn't have received this if I didn't deserve it, and therefore I must be better than her and she'll have to do more affirmations until she deserves it too. This thinking is horrifying to me; being praised for winning at capitalism is not the sort of approval I want.

I'm trying to invent a system of town planning in which everyone can have a bedroom window looking out over trees and croplands instead of streetlights and roads. My ideal town needs to have fractal edges so everyone can live at the edge. Although perhaps there are outgoing types of people who wouldn't mind living in the middle with people all around them. I love being at home and not having to see or hear any people at all.

When the people in my old street heard I was moving out soon, several different people approached me to ask when my moving date was and whether they could move straight in after me. I'm happy to be out of that ticky-tacky box of a house, but it was at least sunny and dry and that makes it a very desirable house on that side of town. I met someone whose landlord had given her the minimum amount of notice right before Christmas and she'd had nowhere to go, so she was sleeping on her daughter's couch while her husband, who has a bad back, had to live in their car. And someone else whose place was mouldy and her children had bad asthma and the landlord wouldn't do anything about the pool of standing water under the house. And all I could do was say what rental agency to apply to. My few near neighbours in the new place are all middle-aged white people.

I do love this new house though. All the peace and quiet, the row of pine trees dividing my place from farmland, the grey warblers and tui and moreporks I hear in the trees. I started a bit of a herb garden and I like gardening better now I'm not being squashed by the weight of people's eyes looking at me whenever I'm outside. Moving house was very stressful but living here is taking away a lot of strain I didn't really know I could escape from.

Comments

[capri0mni]

I'm glad you posted.

I'm glad you're in a house that makes you comfortable.

I love your idea of an ideal fractal city where everyone can be where they are most comfortable.

I agree wiith you about "positive thinking."

[lilysea]

I am glad you have a new house that suits you. ^_^

I don't think you need to feel guilty about it, though: you didn't set up the unfairness. The unfairness is sad and angry but not your fault.

If you wanted to, you could help out at the next election for whichever political party is most supportive of good quality affordable public housing?

In addition to regular public housing (which is state government funded and owned), there's also a new thing now where, as a condition of development approval, the private developers has to include a certain amount of housing that is reserved for low income people.

- - -

Every time I go to my GP, who is surrounded by hills covered with trees and horses and streams, I think "this is beautiful, it would be lovely to live here."

And then I remember that that area has *no public transport*, let alone wheelchair accessible public transport, and I am happy that I live somewhere there are wheelchair accessible trains every 15 minutes on weekdays.

[jekesta]

Oh that does sound lovely, I would love to see photos if you're happy sharing them.

not being squashed by the weight of people's eyes looking at me whenever I'm outside

THIS IS THE BEST THING.

[feng_shui_house]

I'm so glad you're happy in your new house.

I always thought of positive thinking as looking around and trying to figure out how to make the best of a situation BY MYSELF, not by 'attracting universal benevolence'.

I guess this is a new definition. Maybe it's something like an offspring of 'Dianetics'.

I hope you continue to enjoy your new home despite other people's peculiar beliefs.

[quabazaa]

That sounds amazing!! :) how wonderful for you :) you definitely should celebrate your success, imho it never has anything to do with affirmations, rather with hard work, good decisions and a bit of luck. I definitely don't like the idea of people being deserving or not deserving and I find your friend's attitude a bit off-putting. I hope you can enjoy your lovely new living quarters without worrying about any of that *hugs*

[sallymn.livejournal.com]

There's nothing to feel guilty about - it's always nice to find a place to call home you feel home in...

[vjezkova.livejournal.com]

Oh my dear, I really love you. Please, take this change for good and enjoy your life in good mood and be happy! You are a good person, it is really not your fault that there are people that are poor or unhappy. You feel for them but honestly, you can´t do anything about that - like I would like to stop wars and diseases and such...how I understand you!!!
Just enjoy a new page of your life!!!!
*HUGS*

[dr-sponge.livejournal.com]

I am of course always planning to go for a cycle down to Hamilton, so when I do I will try and come visit! (If that works out...) :)