I bloody hate 5 November. 1) the rockets might be pretty, but all the local hoons set off seriously loud bangers and I get stressed by the noise and have to turn the TV up really loud to counteract it, 2) I get nervous about the animals all over the city; it's a bad time for the zoo, and 3) what the hell does a foreigner who didn't blow up a parliament in another country have to do with us? Grrr.

Bring on Matariki celebrations, or something we can actually relate to and have fun with.